even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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