i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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