I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to align my fucking chakras
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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