Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
