New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
