omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
