Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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