Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
