Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
