WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
