You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As shirtless as possible
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize