I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't turn off my feet"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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