My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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