You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's blow job season.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
