He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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