how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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