so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
