Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize