So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
