One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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