the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
