My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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