I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
