he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
