Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
