Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
