He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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