I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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