I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
