im holly from the hills drunk
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize