I'm really into asian looking animals
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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