He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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