ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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