He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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