i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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