I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
