I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
