Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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