You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize