Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
