True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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