Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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