I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
