If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
