yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
