i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
