Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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