Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
