everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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