omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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