He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
