i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
