So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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