We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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