One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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