oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
