I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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