And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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