you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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