What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
