If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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