Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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