just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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