brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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