i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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