He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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