Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
