apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize