wanna go halves on a baby?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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