Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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