i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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