dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there was a trapeze. enough said
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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