What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
