well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
