yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize