I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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