and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize