She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
