You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
