Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
