I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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