matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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