I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can I color on your dick again?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
