I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've blown a few things in my day
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize