Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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