Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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