There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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