Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
