Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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