Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
