checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
