You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
