the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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