It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
