and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
