What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
tell me about the eggs
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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