he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
